On Midsummer’s Day each year, at dawn, the stones allow a precise beam of light to hit a certain portion of the so-called “bed stone” at one end of the circle. The ray is focussed with a quartz crystal hidden within the “mirror stone” through which it is reflected. This causes an intense laser beam to hit the bedstone directly where the forehead of a sacrificial victim would normally lie. The laser would cut through the skull like butter and melt the brain, allowing the gathered pagans to sip the molten cerebrum from a bony chalice, thus gaining special knowledge of witchcraft, which thousands of years later allowed them to defeat the Romans from their stronghold in the wilds of Caledonia.

There’s nothing about that paragraph I don’t like. Pure comedy gold.